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Why do we get attached?

Updated: Nov 15, 2020

‘Why are you so faithful to negative energy?

Why are you so faithful to other people’s emotions that it becomes a weakness or a burden to you?’

This was quoted by a friend of mine Esther Jacob in a YouTube video she made.

Here’s the link so you can check it out:

It really resonated with me as I believe this is the key thing when it comes to emotional intelligence and guarding your heart.

The bible instructs us to guard our hearts above ALL things because out of it flows the issues of life.

I mean… PREACH.. issues of life.. I’ve had them. Emotional issues.. finding it difficult to trust, let go.. forgive.

Not sure who to let in. When to let go. Confusion. Strife. All of these are symptoms that I wasn’t taking very good care of my heart.

Then I thought about attachment.. why are we so attached to some people.

Why can’t we just let go?

But if the foundation isn’t solid, how can a house stand?

I was at my friends wedding this week and was feeling so free, which naturally led me into reflection mode.

I began thinking on certain friendships/relationships that were just too hard to let go of even though things had taken a turn for the worst which led to a never ending cycle of disappointment.. which manifested as depression.

I remembered a particular incident when I was at this friends house in university, it was our final year and we had just finished our exams and she was encouraging me to dance.

She turned on the song ‘Thank God I made it’ by Frank Edwards. It was truly a moment of rejoicing and victory. ‘Go on Ebony.. 1..2..3.. kick.. 1..2..3.. kick’ she said giggling as I attempted the dance moves.

‘There you’ve got it!’

I’m not a good dancer by the way. I also have a history where I was scarred for dancing inappropriately as a child which knocked my confidence. I remember.. in the moment my friend was encouraging me to dance.. I felt so free and happy.

We are often at our best when we are not self-consciously thinking about what others think of us.

It was good to have a laugh and just allow my body to move freely in this way.

I went back home feeling on top of the world. I had done something out of my comfort zone. Something I may never have done, had I not been encouraged in that moment.

When you’re in the process of healing. The people around you can either contribute towards it or infect the wound.

This friend brought out a side of me that.. I didn’t know I had. So when the friendship begun to shift, it was hard for me to let go because.. I was afraid of losing that side of myself.

The version of Ebony that was carefree. The version of me that was easygoing.. the version that hadn’t allowed life to scar her. She found strength to laugh despite adversity. She was able to rise above the pain of her past and find freedom.

So I held on.. to my detriment. Their approval of me and my actions became an idol. That it tore me apart when I could no longer see where I fitted in there life.

So why do we get attached? We get attached to those who we feel help us become better versions of ourselves. We feel incomplete when they leave.

The reality is I wanted to make the friendship something it wasn’t. I wanted it to be a Naomi and Ruth friendship.

I wanted the friendship that says ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.’

But what happens when the person changes? And you’re not sure you can follow them?

Those are some serious vows and it would be foolish to make that kind of commitment without counting the cost and truly knowing the character of the person you’re committing to.

I’ve got to learn that that the other version of myself still exists outside of that friendship. That she is just waiting for the opportunity to be unleashed.

People are vessels…the source is God.

God used the friend to show me my capabilities.

The mistake I made was thinking the friend was the source.

When we understand the correct place people play in our lives, we can break free from being tied to them in a unhealthy way.

The carefree, Ebony still exists inside of me and I saw a glimpse of her yesterday at the Wedding.

I pray for more opportunities for us to be our authentic selves without being attached to others in an unhealthy way, in jesus’ name!



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