I can’t say that it will never happen again.
I can only pray that by the grace of God it will never happen again.
That the metamorphosis process will be completed in me… so the next time lust comes disguised as love, I would be so full of love that I wouldn’t settle for lust.
It’s Like choosing a cheap handbag instead of an original. They both look the same at first.. but with time.. you start to notice that the quality starts to fade… the letters start to drop off, the strap breaks.. and your left with nothing but the remains of something you once looked at with admiration.
I’m speaking not just for myself but for every woman, every woman who is also a girl. Every girl that has found herself somehow caught up in the arms of a guy who promised her the world- on one condition.
The condition was that she’d have to give him parts of herself that she could never get back.
Parts of herself she wanted to give to someone special but instead she gave it to someone who told her she was special.
So she convinced herself that risking it all would be worth it.. after all.. He promised her the world.
But what he didn’t promise her was himself. He didn’t promise to give her his heart, loyalty and commitment. Maybe temporarily she had his attention, in exchange for pleasure but not for a lifetime and she knew deep inside that is what she wanted.
She wanted the type of love that came with commitment. The type of love that gave more than it took. The type of love that built up and didn’t tear down. The type that was steadfast and consistent. Not this emotional rollercoaster ride that like a drug made her feel so high but then so low.
She dreamed of a love that was pure and whole. A man that wasn’t looking for her to fill a void in him but truly chose her. Agape love.
This love had to stand the test of time… and let patience complete it’s work. He had to be willing to risk it all just like she was.
Sure when she realised that this man.. couldn’t give her what she wanted., it hurt like hell. It killed parts of her and she wasn’t sure if she would ever recover from the disappointment and dissatisfaction that came with realising that He wasn’t in it for love and there was nothing she could do that could change that.
Her only choice was to heal. She didn’t know how it would look like- or how it would even feel, but she knew that eventually she would because she had been here before.
No matter what He had taken from her, there was nothing that couldn’t be restored as long as she was determined to rise again after the fall.