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Kiss Chase

Kiss Chase

It’s a game we played in primary school, where little boys and girls ran around the playground trying to kiss one another. As silly as it was, we all did it. I heard funny stories of children who targeted and seized the opportunity to smooch their crush. I was never kissed at that age. I was just happy to experience the adrenaline rush we felt as little boys and girls; black, white, Asian, and mixed-race, running around the playground excitedly, pigtails swinging, lots of giggling, an array of red and white uniforms as we shot by.

Martin Luther King Jr. would have been so proud.

Yes, we played kiss chase in primary school, but doesn’t it seem like we never stopped playing this game? Those children simply grew into teenagers and matured into adults who are more skilled at it.

I cringe as I think back to all the times I chased boys who sometimes did not want to be caught; all the times I’ve gone looking for love in the wrong places. The world tells me I just need ‘the one’ and, once I’ve found him, I will be complete. So, I’m disappointed when I meet the wrong one because, although it’s a different guy it’s the same story and I end up concluding no one is worthy to sit on the throne of my heart but God. – Extract taken from my new book – His Masterpiece: Understanding Your True Worth as a Woman. To find out more, click here:

I often see people having debates as to whether a woman should pursue a man and although I understand where people are coming from since we are in the 21st century and women are proposing to men nowadays.

I find this ‘shoot your shot’ culture very interesting.

I understand that there are many different views on this subject so it’s important to emphasise that this is my opinion.

Some people believe that gender roles are a social construct, however although society has played a role in how we see gender. I believe that most gender roles are by design.

Here are five reasons why I believe women should not be the initiators:

  1. Men are hunters by nature, once they know what they want- they go for it. So if a man has not approached you then 9/10 times, he doesn’t want you, at least not yet or seriously. I remember when I tried to tell this guy how I felt about him- he told me that he loved me as a friend, which was fine but also obvious now that I think about it.

  2. It takes away a mans responsibility to lead- which may cause problems later down the line. It’s common for men to get comfortable in a relationship once they’ve got the woman. I’m not saying to play hard to get, I’m just saying wait for him to approach you, that way you’re not leading the relationship.

  3. It can make you look cheap and desperate (sorry but it’s true). You’re basically giving away your power. Whether we like it or not there are power dynamics in any relationship and men can abuse this, either intentionally or unintentionally.

  4. It can make you lose respect for yourself. I think this is a very important point! I remember this one occasion, I let a friend convince me to shoot my shot. To be honest with you if felt very UNNATURAL for me and although I received a very positive response from the guy initially. He stopped communicating with me – which wounded me. Deep down, I know I am the PRIZE, my time is valuable and I felt like I had sold myself short. I had to deal with the rejection and move on, which is something I don’t think women are as equipped to handle as men. Which goes back to what I said before about design.

  5. It can come across as demanding or controlling, most guys just want to go with the flow and many don’t know how to handle pressure. So you may actually push away the person you are trying to attract.

My point is- this has never worked for me and it can be a form of manipulation to get what we want or even force Gods hand. I mean if this was the correct way of handling these situations, then why am I always left feeling disappointed, embarrassed and humiliated?

Surely, something isn’t right here?

You might say, this is the reason why you’re still single Ebony. My answer would be YES it is! Lol ! And I’ve had to embrace my single-hood (even though, it’s had its fair share of challenges)

I try not to compare myself with anyone else because what might work for others might not work for me.

I am content with being single for now if it means I will be treated how I expect to in the future.

By the way, this isn’t a set of rules, just my opinion based on my experience. Leave a comment about a time where you shot your shot.. how did it go? Maybe you had a positive experience, I’d like to know?


Ebz x

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