This weekend I laughed so hard over something that I should not have found so funny but it set me off. Don’t you just love those moments? It was in the moment when my stomach was bubbling with uncontrollable giggles which erupted into tears from my eyes that I realised just how much I needed that laugh. Adulting is the ghetto, there are so many things that we become preoccupied with that sometimes we forget to laugh. To laugh is to release. To laugh is to be carefree. To laugh is to forget our troubles. Laughter is good medicine for the soul. The thing I’ve noticed about children is that they don’t hold back, they allow themselves to express every emotion even the negative ones. They are free. I wish I could say that I too am free, like a child but I am not. I am bound by responsibilities, I feel as though I am bound by routines and structure. Every decision that I make is calculated. It’s as if I am in a cage and I’m not even trying to get out because that cage is called Adulthood. I’ve been struggling to articulate quite how I’ve been feeling lately but this past year has been challenging, there have been so many things that look like setbacks and delays due to pandemic and although I must say I know how to handle myself and be open and transparent sometimes I tend to keep things bottled up. There are so many beautiful things about my life and I work very hard to maintain what I’ve been given and I work daily on practicing gratitude but sometimes it just gets so heavy you know- and the things I’m waiting on God for seem to be taking forever.
Doesn’t it seem that things always get worse before they get better.
Naturally I’m an encourager and supporter, I love seeing people win and celebrating others but I don’t always feel this is reciprocated or that I have enough people pouring into me and supporting me.
This can cause me to seek validation from others.
I felt that I needed some alone time this weekend but I didn’t realise I was isolating myself because of my pain. I deactivated my social media accounts and deleted my WhatsApp. I did however keep one of my Instagram pages active and I’m so thankful I did because it was through that page that I got the encouragement I needed that uplifted my spirit and soul! We need people.
It was a message I received from a sister who had bought my first book Beauty For Ashes, letting me know how much the book blessed her.
It was at the moment where I reread the things I had written in the book that my eyes began to well up of tears of joy! I remembered my WHY!
Why I wrote the book in the first place- it was to touch others, put the devil to shame and celebrate how far I’ve come!!
This was a reminder from God that the book is still achieving its purpose and blessing people which is all I wanted!
Suddenly these so called delays and setbacks felt less significant, what matters is that the book is achieving its purpose.
A line that I wrote in it was: I may be nobody to the world but I’m somebody to God, my saviour.
That line reminded me just how personal this book was and still is. It’s not just another book. It is as sacred as the holy bible because it is a testament of the wonderful works of God in my life. The entire world may not know me but my God knows my name. His love for me is everlasting.
I’m reminded that I am in ministry 1st and business 2nd which means that my aim should always be pleasing God rather than impressing people. Gods approval is all I need and His JOY is my delight! So today I declare that: Jireh, you are enough.
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